Memo to: Very important members of the team
From: The Boss
Thank you so very much for your willingness to respond to the cry of distress amongst the ruins of corporate American healthcare. Our appreciation includes a complimentary gas card for your <s> SUV </s> ride and dinner at that hot little place that girlfriend #2 likes so much. Save up your hard earned vacation time and sell it off to treat the love of your life come anniversary time. She will *heart* you for the gesture.
For blood spills: press 1
For tech support on LIS: call Merrel or Missy. Eddie is busy relaxing with other Missy, Aka Wife. They've had a dozen kids and a thousand miles of road between 'em. He recently got off the training circuit and settled rather quickly into a comfortable life with a woman who loves and supports him. I couldn't begin to tell you where the hell Thomas or Eileen and all the rest of them are.
For complaints: You should really talk to the one in charge of the whole thing. Press 6.
Phone tree etiquette: Always dial the number of the person directly beneath you on the ascending branch of the call list. Program your company cell phone to alert the next lowest branch of your tree about the impending disaster.
Billing: Call 1-889-232-6666. We do not accept TPC or LUV.
Next week: Call your mother. Keep the faith.
Career objective: World peace, one life at a time.
Disclaimer: We don't really know who are, only that you work cheap, close to home and have an SSN and a clean background check. Love ya....mean it.
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